Old Lefty Joe rewrites ‘America the Beautiful’ to the ‘Suckiful’

If you are easily offended, please know his rewrite is harsh–ten full verses in meter with the song. Proceed at your own emotional risk.

Old Lefty Joe, once an activist hippie, is dead now, but I have rummaged through his papers and journals and came across this rewrite of the precious song.

I post his rewrite here so you can learn what the Left of Old Joe’s ilk believes about a variety of issues, including human sexuality.

Sometimes he slips in the truth about his defective ideology. Maybe at that moment he put out his wacko tobacco and had a moment of clear thinking—rare for Old Joe.

America the Suckiful


O Suckiful for smoggy skies
For GMOs of grain,
For mountains filled with alkalis,
Above crop-dusted plains!
America, America!
We shed our curse on thee!
And crown thy bad
With brothers mad
From sea to rising sea!


O Suckiful for pilgrim feet
The Natives they oppress
And with disease they cause defeat
Across the wilderness!
America! America!
We shame thee to repent,
Deny thy soul
Through our control,
We’re suing thy dissent!


O Suckiful, thy heroes proved
For racism they fought,
By impure motives they were moved
To take land never bought!
America! America!
We take down thy flagpole,
For thy success
We must possess,
It’s built on gold thou stole!


O Suckiful, thou mov’st too slow,
Thy Constitution’s old,
Its balances and checks forego
To show we’re overbold!
America! America!
We overstep thy bounds!
We never pause
In our high cause,
Sound judgment we confound!


O Suckiful for leftist dreams
That bring thee to thy knees,
We take them to utmost extremes–
Our big-scheme policies!
America, America!
Thou liv’st in infamy!
We stop thy prayers,
And God forswear—
Thy silly fantasy!


O Suckiful for male-female,
No diff’rences we claim.
Humanity we disentail
Ev’ryone’s just the same!
America! America!
A myth is Genesis!
Deny thine eyes
And demonize
What we call prejudice!


O Suckiful, we have one aim:
Huge government is right,
It’s always been our power game,
Without us we cause fright!
America! America!
We’re out to buy thy vote,
While people sleep,
We want to keep
Big government afloat.


O Suckiful, thou must obey
Compassion through high tax,
We redistribute our outlay,
We got our voters’ backs!
America! America!
We leftists spend for thee.
It’s merciful
To pay the full,
It’s right and just and free.


O Suckiful, the joke’s on thee,
Our game we can’t sustain,
Our policies don’t set thee free,
Our budgets are insane!
America! America!
We still know what to do:
What we can spend
Will never end,
So thou must pay more dues.


O Suckiful, just stay asleep,
Wake not and call us names.
For we depend on stupid sheep
Or we’ll go down in flames!
America! America!
Don’t let this be thine hour!
Depend on drugs,
Complacent shrugs,
So we won’t lose our pow’r.

Here is my one-verse reply:

O Beautiful, wake up with might,
Thy government’s too big,
Thou must take back thy pow’r and right
Those leftist schemes unrig!
America! America!
God is thy sole control,
Not government,
But his consent,
Thou shalt regain thy soul!

I couldn’t let old Lefty Joe’s worldview stand without a reply. It’s too bad he didn’t live to see it. I’m sure he would have had a flash of anger, but laughed while sparking one up (if you know what I mean).

But he wouldn’t have had the courage to change his mind.


Trump bullies Francis Scott Key;

Trump among the Quakers;

Here are related articles that offer more detailed replies or alternatives to Old Lefty Joe’s worldview:

Ten things I hate about you, America: accusations and replies;

What new conservatives believe, Part 1;

What new conservatives believe, Part 2;

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s